Rotting away here don’t have anything to do right now. Waiting for an email.

Just now I bit my finger and it bled. My fingers havent bled for a while now since I started trying to let my nails grow out.

Was hungry. Ate hello panda. Am not sure if I am still hungry.

Internet got problem. Not working well. Messenger still cannot download. Pissed off with it. got up to 69% complete then it froze. Lost count of number of times I tried to download it since 2 days ago.

Almost don’t feel like going to church tomorrow. Need to clear my head a bit.

Burst at mom just know in the evening. Even said ‘what’s your problem’. After a while she yelled back at me.

Am very depressed. Had a horrible choir practice today. I am just so stupid. Cant do anything right and don’t know anything about music.

Also, suddenly I feel like time is catching up on me. Feel like there is no time left, even though I am not yet in school. Feel scared and tired and pissed off. Don’t want to go to school. Don’t want to see those people. I wonder, is it God’s will to put me and those people I hate in the same course. Is it a test for me… is it a sign from God saying He wants us to be friends… cant imagine facing them everyday, and struggling to be in control of my feelings, at the same time being real, and at the same time being professional about things.

Am afraid of the orientation camp. Do not even want to go at all. Am not a sociable person. How am I going to survive.

Hate everything. hate everything.

Well something is wrong with my internet again(!!!) so I shall type here and paste it into my blog once the thing works again. Haiz.

Well today had matriculation at np. Went with parents coz of the laptop thing. So the whole matriculation, minus the walking thru the so called cca booths (I say so because they hardly even bothered to try and attract people. Only 2 booths out of the many even gave out slips of paper abt their booths. Haiz. Failure.) yes, minus that, was only about 10 mins give or take. Damn fast one. Just keep moving along the line. I met sandee and kheng wei at the entrance there. So surprised, coz I thought she’d already be gone liao. They went ahead of me and left way before I did, coz after that I didn’t see them anymore. My parents and I spent quite long at the laptop area, my dad was asking whole lot of questions and everything… quite a large range of laptops, was difficult to choose. But prices wise, I didn’t find them very much less than outside, about the same price lor… well at least they have 3 yrs warranty, unlike outside only 1 yr. Oh then I get to the fun part! There was this IBM guy, his name is justin foo suan kiat (hahaha ok call me crazy), not like super yandao or what but look long liao still quite ok lah. Once he came over to explain to us, he like stayed with us the whole time, and I really mean the whole time man. Wah very sweet. Explain a lot of stuff and showed us some forbidden stuff (I mean, company secrets lah, cannot show one), then after that while we were deciding on which one to get, he sat there and waited for us, and when we decided, he immed go and get order form. Then he still stayed while we waited for our turn etc, and somemore my mom kept asking him things, my dad also, and he would run off to check for us, or get someone to answer our qns, even if it wasn’t abt IBM stuff. And then he informed me about the lucky draw, and he said “I’ll go with you don’t worry” (although I wasn’t worried at all haha), he said “well hope you win something more” at which I laughed and so did he. I really think he’s so nice. Lol. So later we went to spin the wheel and (very sadly) I only won a very small prize, it looks quite cool actually, it’s a radio and there’s this screen on which a message is continuously scrolled across (duh, something about buy an IBM thinkpad etc etc haha, propaganda lah). But after that I didn’t get to say bye to him as he then had to go and attend to someone else liao. He was around but I didn’t wanna interrupt lah. Then I saw robin who was also spinning the wheel and said hi to her. Altogether I saw a few people lah, um gareth (I seem to see him everywhere, and today almost crashed into him lor), robin, sandee kheng wei and sylvia. I wonder what course sylvia is in. don’t tell me mass comm?? Cant recall. I don’t think so tho.

Then outside the convention centre there was this really cool looking silver car that looks like a slightly mutated Beetle but its not a Beetle. I took a picture of it haha. Im always taking pictures of people’s cars. Then we took a few pictures outside. Like tourist haiz.

Then…made out way to the bus stop, on the overhead bridge I saw someone who walked past me who looked like sam, yes cat sam, from the back. So I called sam ng! Then he turned around, and I said, so tau! Then he said never see mah. Pa jiao. Haha. So I abandoned my parents and talked to sam all the way, till my bus came which he wasn’t taking. The doink didn’t fill up his edusave and giro form, so he’ll be heading back to np on Friday. Actually I shd have told him that they are optional… oh well. Guess im the only one who isnt using edusave and giro…He was wearing like 2 shirts. I know its cool to do that but come on, it was 34degrees C out there today man. I was completely melting. Haha. Maybe cats don’t feel very hot.

Then we ate at clementi market where we sat right in front of cassandra’s mom’s stall! She doesn’t recognize me, prob coz she’s hardly ever seen me, but well I thought she’d know. Well she didn’t, that’s ok then. I didn’t call her either, since cass wasn’t there. Dunno how long never see cass already. I bet she got stead already. Don’t even know which jc she went to… haiz. So many pple all lost contact liao.

Then my dad bought a pair of shoes. Haha. OOP right. Then… I went home alone coz my parents stopped going with me upon reaching jp coz they bought tix to watch the Passion. (which, strangely, my mom only said, ok lah, my dad said very gory when I asked if it was, and neither of them seemed extremely affected by the show unlike the way I thought they’d be…) so I came home and slacked in the air con till ard 6plus then my mom called and said I can go down liao. Fast forward, we ate at Fish & Co. (not that I think very highly of their food lor. Seriously its nothing fantastic, esp so coz I don’t really eat their oysters mussles and shellfish…) then I took pictures of the food haha. Me, I like to take pictures. Then they ate ice cream while I decided to give it a miss (and wasn’t even tempted). Then we decided to walk home. and boy oh boy my dad wanted to take some route we never walked before, and lo, we went ONE BIG round and ended up walking a lot more than we actually had to. Haiz. In the end I led the way back to the right path. By the time we got home we were all hot sweaty and tired, coz it was a real long walk. Oh well. Now already bathed and nice and clean. The only pity is tonight I’ll probably have to sleep fitfully and uncomfortably like last night again, since the air con isnt working till tmr… I had the uber powerful industrial fan plugged into my room last night and it didn’t even help. I couldn’t sleep for a long time. Haiz. Awaiting the return of my air con tmr haha.

Well, my internet is still down so I cant post this. So this entry is dated 130404, time 2217hr, or rather, yoru ni ju ni ji ju nanapun, something lidat?? Haha!! Ok know what, forget the jap till I practice. Speaking of jap, last night (Monday) I had jap, it went alright lah, angie even said im good, which is NOT true, and she said the young people are good which is also NOT true… haha. And that obnoxious show off ginny woman came, and made a grand entrance by being late and then spouting jap like she is so good at it. the whole class was rolling their eyes, I remember gabriel saying that. So true.

Well, oyasumi nasai to you then. Im off… time, 2221hr. ciao.

p.s oh yeah this is for terence, hey when exactly is ur bdae?? U told me one but the class directory says another haha. Ive only known addresses and phone numbers to change, not bdaes! Lol.