hmmm
today after getting the tip from gabe last night, decided to pon the whole stupid seminar... coz its like, man how could they lie to us?? abt the whole cip thing... its so unethical.. well but i hope it WAS a lie if not we'd all be in deep shit, i'd be in deeper, coz im the one who told my class no cip dont have to go... haiz.... yeah so please let it be a lie. let us not have cip... 8 hrs man..

today im sick
like. flu and cough and everything.
i think i just got cold lah.
so couldnt go out and study with melvin after locvid. had to go home.

today i was happy. for once.
met up with melvin, "true test of (his) patience" he said, coz i made him wait for more than half an hour coz i was bloody late. i still feel truly sorry for it. i am never one to be late, lest of all THAT late. so in the end we met at almost 12nn instead of 11am. SORRY!
went into city hall. we were going to the escalator and passed the estee lauder showcase... and i saw YENBING HOHO. just had to go up and say hi, poor girl she stood all the time... must be tiring..
had lunch at foodcourt. chicken rice. lalala. he brought chocolate cake for me haha. couldnt finish it at home. well its my breakfast for tmr.
went all the way to esplanade. went all the way to the library! looked for tables, none. sat at the window, then after a while got a table! grabbed it, sat down wanna start work, librarian comes and says sorry self stufy time is over cannot study! WTH no choice but to leave, find another place. after much deliberation, went all the way to suntec. coming into suntec, dano was having a sale!! SUCH a lot of nice clothes i would really like to have bought. really many things i wanted to buy, some of the shirts i would have use for in choir. but i could only afford one item, and i had been wanting that item since it came out, but couldnt buy it coz it was $36... its this pink tube... i really like it. i bought size 5, it was the last size 5, and i hoped it wasnt too small coz cannot try... then i felt real happy.

right. today is ah ma's birthday! just got home not very long ago from the dinner at their place. officially shagged out because i suffered 2 headaches in a day, from the respective train rides. note, boon lay to pasir ris and then pasir ris to boon lay. EXTREME ENDS RESULTING IN EXTREME SHAGGED-OUT-NESS!! the dinner was alright, this year slightly smaller as its a weekday and most relatives are working and stuff. i went slightly earlier, just to spend a bit more time with my grandma and everyone without all the other pple who wld come later... everyone made a fuss abt how i've grown more like a xiao jie, how coloured my hair was, how weird my toenails were (blue and pink alternating), how cool my jeans were, bracelet, even earholes and this comment came from someone else later when i was leaving... and i only have 2 earholes! haha. they should see someone like... i dunno. some of my friends. they'd prob puke.

 basically just very glad to see ah ma after a whole month, she seemed happy tonight coz some relatives and friends came... and she told one of them when they were talking, that when "this one" i. e. Me comes, she is the happiest. when i heard that, i was very happy but also sad, as it only reminded me how i cannot be there for her as much as i would like to and as much as she needs me to. sigh. well. but had a good time, had some time with my bros, and with my cousins who seem to like me a lot more and were like very friendly haha. last time they used to be very shy and didnt talk to me much coz they didnt see me often and thus didnt know me well... but they are really crazy kids lah. all 4 of them. they're very close coz they play together a lot. i just wish there was a smaller age gap between us. i feel damn old with them. my younger bro actually asked me to calculate 5623 divide by 123 minus 2 sia... wah lau, thought im a calculator sia... lol. and i managed to shoot the ball to get 100, 3 times during the game. haha dont understand right. doesnt matter. we took some pictures too, my dad loves to talk pictures, just like my mom, and me. (sigh.) i left the house at about 1030pm... which explains why i reached home just now at 12mn and why my parents are completely pissed, they didnt even bother to sms me or wait up. i dunno why they're like, so sore abt me coming home late. that day it was coz i went for the hooba concert and i was returning from sentosa man, for one thing the concert didnt end on time and there were thousands trying to leave the island, so duh i would be late. at least i got home before 12. tonight, naturally i wld leave later, considering i havent seen my grandma in so long, and its her birthday so duh i would stay slightly longer, and the journey takes 1.5hrs in all. i also reached home before 12mn what. its not like i did anything on purpose. its just circumstances, and surely they could try and be more reasonable and understanding, or just not mind so much?! damn. also stressing me out over these sorta stupid little things.

anyway today, i slept till late, dad went out so i finally had the house to myself for the whole time i was at home. at abt 330 i set off, went to buy presents for my grandma, simple cheap ones. actually wanted to buy her the Ensure milk powder that she drinks, but found i didnt have enough to buy. one can is $25. so couldnt buy. quite unhappy abt it. in the end i bought her a pair of specs coz she was always telling me how she had a pair and they were lost (but as i suspected, that was one of those things she sometimes says which she is convinced is real but is not... siigh. ) then i chose a small pot of fake flowers and bought a card and a nice shiny golden paperbag to put all the stuff in. really felt bad that the present was so cheapo, but there wasnt much else i could think of to buy. well i hope she likes the flowers tho they're fake. there's a lot of love in my present, and that's what counts right? hais...

well i think thats all to say about my day. tmr i really hope everything will go well. i wonder if i should be expecting something to happen tmr... errrr, dont understand? never mind, its meant for me to know only. just talking to myself. well umm. yeah. hope i get my studying done tmr, and also have some fun. wish me luck on the piercing ears thingy. ugh. the pain! damn.

ok i neeeeeeeed sleep. i always need a lot of sleep but i never seem to get enough. k dorcas out.

filmed locvid today!! LALALAALA finished in record time too, only filmed for abt 3 hrs or so... yay!! and no major screw ups tho there was A LOT OF UNWANTED SOUND!! SHIT LAH when the editing time comes i will totally die. i AM the bloody editor when i know nuts about the machine lor please. but WELL DONE DDPFM AND MABEL AND SHAN SHAN!! thanks for all your help, talents, great job really. shan shan you're so cute sia hahaha. i really laughing my ass off.
yup yup so it was a tiring few hrs, the whole day was tiring lah... filming and non-filming parts. like 'kang-ing' all the equip around was like the sianzest thing ever, then the hour long taxi rides, 2 of them in total tho the second one back to sch was much better. got headache from the first one... but well everything is done i am please its all over thats all that matters man. yeah
then after returning equip to a very surprised rashid, dawn was gonna meet khai, so left me and melvin (penny shan and mabel didnt go bk to sch with us, they went off to lot 1 to meet other pple to watch collateral hawhaw) so we decided to try and watch Notebook lor. it was abt 4plus then... by the time we reached town it was like 5plus... it was cool, there was a 510pm show which we bought tix for then ran coz already late. yeah well, cried in the movie, mostly near the last part lor...  i'll remember how i felt when the screen showed an ECU of the words on the first page of the notebook, alllie wrote it to noah saying " Read this to me and i'll come back to you". its really damn sad, why do characters have to get amnesia and stuff... all those memories, the beautiful ones, lost. and then the last part also very sad. allie asked noah, "do you think our love can take us away together?" and noah said, "i'll be seeing you". and then its like the last scene was a flock of birds flying... its damn sad. its supposed to have meant that they died together that night. i think most people didnt understand that scene and everything, but i got it like damn obvious lor. its like, i felt kinda sad. i cried a lot from the part i first mentioned, to the end. sigh. but well at least she made the right choice, and everything. its quite a nice show i dunno why penny they all said it sucked... i think they like action movies better. im totally not a fan of action movies. gimme one or two still ok. overload and i'll really get pissed with it. totally exaggerated and quite unrealistic one lor if u think abt it. its like, if u forever have those really mysterious guys running ard with rifles and popping up everywhere and pple blowing up cars and jumping out windows... u think?? its actually larger than life stuff but mostly pple dont think that way when they're watching the show haha.
k well, then wanted to pierce my ears but didnt have money and also scared of pain so didnt... prob will do it on wed if there's time and if i dont freak out. wah the pain. sianz!!!!!! but i really want the third hole on my right ear and the second hole on the left ear. but i really hate the pain. i am pain intolerant man. esp in weak areas like my ears, lips, teeth know?? haiz.
yeah anyway, just now got take neoprint wif melvin haha, my gurlfwen! i like it coz i look nice lol. no la not so evil. both of us look fine lah. YAWWWWWNNNZZ!! shat. mm.
tmr going to see ah ma!! its her birthday, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY AH MA I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH FOREVER AND NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS!!! i'll be going over for dinner tmr, hope everything goes well... i feel like shit i havent visited my grandma in the past one whole month... damn i suck! tmr maybe i'll go earlier a bit and pei her a bit more since im not really going anyway tmr. pleae bless her dear Lord, with good health and less pain, and happiness and peace too... please dont let her suffer, she's an old woman who's been thru enough hardships in life, please dont subject a poor old woman to more pain, if you want you can give it all to me instead. cant help it. hate to see my grandma suffer. pains me like nothing else can. :'(
well... am very tired right now. need to sleep. really feel like eating chocolate but ran out already.

oh. and shit, i now have a secret. its a rather worrying one too... i hope this person will not get deeper into whatever he's into, hope it will all be over real soon. hai!
peace yo, out.

had quite a lot of fun yesterday!

well let's start with the morning. that wasnt too fun as i had to go all the way to school just to hand up the bloody peer evaluation form for the debate!! grr so it was like i chionged and everything.. brief recap of it: climbed hill, dumped form into box, sped off to printing room, spent damn long there trying print one bloody picture of hoobastank, lousy adobe photoshop they got there, time to upgrade yer lousy comps lah!! cant print, waste my time, witnessed a handphone getting stolen i.e. not actually seeing the asshole take it, but being there when the owner realized it was lost. not very nice audio sia. she said fuck. then, chionged home, ate/gobbled lunch, showered, chionged out coz i was already late! decided to meet melvin at outram instead of harbourfront... met up, went toilet and i changed into my np polo tee, yes correct, i am such a loyal student... *rolls eyes* please, it was just much more comfortable. then went off to take bus into sentosa... went there... lemme skip the whole abt 1 hr which we spent, deliberating if we should go in at all coz i saw no one inside at all... after that we sorta decided not to go in, i was really unwilling to go in and like, have the organizers and people try and get us to participate in some crap since there was like no one there to participate, and the DJ had the nerve to say, from inside, 'its getting quite crowded in here'... wah piang... what a cheap lie to get people like us who were hesitating outside to go in. we went in then came out. then locked our stuff in the locker coz they were SUCH TOOTS THEY SAID NO CAMERA ALLOWED HELLO WE WERE MEETING THE BAND HOW COULD THEY SAY NO CAMERA ALLOWED?!?!? we were pissed about it and therefore just to let you know, we sneaked our cameras in, later, not right now.

right now we decided to take pictures, so we went around and took some shots, then we went and sat by the beach for some time since there was nowhere to go... and there was this completely adorable ang moh baby and his family, and he really took a liking to walking (albeit very jerkily) up the beach, from the water there... it was SOOO cute man everyone within a 5 meter radius stopped everything and watched him walk walk walk, he just hecked everyone and walked on hahaha... at other times he sat on the sand and took fistfuls of sand (which was like, only a few grains since his hands not say very big yah..) and threw it and practically everything landed on himself hahaha was so comical!! i really enjoyed watching him. i laugh until pengz. really very cute i wish i had gotten a picture of him. its just very nice, he fell down quite a few times, not fell, just had to stop or sat down or stumbled, coz the sand was very uneven where he walked... but he always got up again and continued like nothing happened, and then there was this time after he quite sitting down then he decided walking on twos wasnt going to get him over that part of the sand so he went of fours, but it wasnt the baby crawling sort of fours, it was like how a monkey would move on fours you get the picture?? hahaha!! very funny. was only for a short while lah that one...
then yeah, after that i cant recall what we did, we collected 'goodie bags', levi's plastic bag wow. my newest most precious item. haha no lah. inside there was a poster, postcard, some stuff with hooba printed on it... luckily sia!! coz if not i would have nothing for them to sign and that would be the ULTIMATE insult to them right...

so we wanted to sneak our cameras in right? then we discovered that when we bring in just the levi's bag, they dont check... SO, we went out again and then did our best to flatten the plastic bag with the cameras inside, then we waited a while then we appeared casual and talk talk talk and walked in. HOHO. i felt quite relieved once we got past the guard.

then we waited around and listened to some stuff while waiting for a Jean who was supposed to gather us for the meet and greet backstage... we stood right at the front then they went and BLASTED the music and MY BONES LITERALLY RATTLED AND MY GUTS SHOOK, EVERYTHING LITERALLY HERE! wah lau i tell you, never ever like that before man. deafening and the waves hit at full force and everything within me was thumping. scary sia! we jumped out of our skins and tried to move away from the railings. jialat man.

then in the end we approached one of the staff who told us hooba wasnt here yet so we gotta wait somemore so we were like ok. then later got lah, the jean went on stage and announced for the meet-and-greet peeps to gather at the right side where we had been waiting around, then we waited a bit more.... THEN i saw hooba coming round from somewhere at the back.... it was thrilling.. say chris first... then the rest of them... then waited somemore... then FINALLY we were allowed in! just went for it. went to them asked for signatures as to take foto with them... basically it was very nice, but the thing is they seemed rather uninterested lah. as in, a bit too tau and a bit... like.. i dunno. attitude. basically they were considered quite friendly liao lah, and at least willing to take some photos. dan and markku were drinking water, doug was eating apple... i felt quite awkward lah. like, i dont really know what to say to them, if i should even try to say anything... and they were also like, get this over with so we can go back and rest. so yeah, quite sad lah. maybe its because im not a hardcore hooba fan so i dont feel out of the world meeting them. its just really nice to be at one of these things. but then i think about all those fans out there, some of them would have died to have a signature or photo, so i feel rather lucky nonetheless lor... :)

then we went out and locked our precious autographed stuff up then snuck our cams in again, then headed for dinner! VIP tent, we have food. hohoho. so we had some much needed dinner, though i got hungry 5 hrs later. but then yeah, then slacked a while coz it was still just the opening band, the first one wasnt that good so i dont remember their name, i think it was Turbula but i dont really like lah. i like the second band, called The Ocean Band, they sang abt 6 songs? and i pitied the lead singer coz he was SO tired and he was still singing and rockin and jumpin away on stage, and the crowd which was so bloody small (!) was not really supportive lah i feel... basically i think the lead singer is quite a nice guy, he is quite friendly. yeah. then we went out of the tent and went to join the crowd... not really join lah haha. just stood where it was less crowded so more breathing space!!

then more pre-parade stuff lah... then waiting for hooba to come on... after quite a while they FINALLY CAME ON YEAH! then well, concert lah basically. i was taking pictures throughout but in the end only those that actually looked like something, i kept. the rest just black, deleted. its damn hard to take any decent fotos at all man. too dark.


yeah. so like, from start till end right, doug was like encouraging the $59 ticket people to like, "do whatever you can, find a way to have fun" he was like constantly hinting to them to like, breach security and everything, becoz the $79 crowd was very small!! only enough to fill the front of the barriers, and then there was this huge empty space, then the $59 people. so naturally it looked damn weird and unappealing and boring from up there on stage lah. i can understand that, but the thing is i think he shouldnt have encouraged them lor. you know, somewhere at the end of the concert he was like, openly telling them to jump over the barricades, he said " those railings dont look too high to jump over" and kept asking them to come over come over... and the $79 people started chanting for them to come, and then the $59 people had been chanting too, and then they started to climb over, i saw one of them just fall to the ground like a sandbag, Boom! at first it was a few, security caught one of them, the rest they sort of didnt really hinder them.... then everyone started to follow and there was a stampede and people just climbed and RAN to us and they were all wet i dont know why, was it sweat or they had been wet from swimming or something? and it was really every single person over the railings man... no one left back there. me and melvin didnt wanna get crushed so we quickly ran into the VIP tent for shelter haha. i took some pix from there. the crowd was still small in my opinion, definitely a lot bigger than when it was just the $79 people but still... didnt even fill up half of the allocated $79 space lor so...

yeah anyway, well, i dont really like hooba's songs lah. too much noise. i like loud songs, dont get me wrong, i really like them. but the thing is i dont like just noise kinda songs, which is why i dont like heavy metal. i like at least got tune or something... the songs they sang, i dont really enjoy. its great for beat and if you had energy u could jump your head off, but it doesnt mean anything to me. the only 2 i liked were their two famous singles, Running Away and more recently, The Reason which is a great song. but basically i think they are all great. doug is good at singing. dan plays well. chris drums great. markku plays well too. yup... oh and chris started off topless, and then doug got really sweaty and hot so he took off his top too during the show, and boy he's got a great bod. really. these people, wonder how much time they spend working out everyday. lol.
yeah well... so i shouted and cheered for them and sometimes rawked with them when i wasnt taking pictures hoho. there were like, people filming the entire thing. knew the security couldnt keep out all cameras... so i just snapped away, heck lah. first rock concert i've been to, might as well make the most of it right?! haha. and i sang really loudly to the reason and running away. everyone did lah.

oh wait, i forgot to tell you abt this woman. i kinda felt she was a cheap slutty biatch lor. kinda sarong party girl style. ok see, she's like, with this ang moh lah. then at first keep being slutty, kiss kiss kiss. doesnt matter. then its like, i can tell she's not like, a hooba fan at all, i dont think she knows them at all lah. but since she's here, she dont wanna lose to anyone. she afraid she'll look bad or something. so what she do? EVERYTHING I DO, SHE TRY AND DO ALSO. wah piang!!! i jump, i scream, i shake, everything, she watch me the whole time and she did everything too sia. i clap she clap i scream she scream, try and act like damn enthu and everything. wah lau... please lah. at least dont let me see you're like forever staring at me to copy me sia. im just a kid, this is like, my thing right, you're like, 20plus, it doesnt matter if you dont jump or whatever?! i dunno. i just feel she wanted to look onz, and wanted her ang moh man to think better of her. i feel she was being downright bloody fake. thats all.

then got another ang moh man dunno who is he lah, he ALSO keep looking at me sia! wah seh. maybe coz i cheer loudly haha. like a high pitched WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! and maybe i was like, rockin to the music? or maybe coz i was taking fotos ever so often hoho. think they all hoped that seeing other pple being enthu, it wld rub off on them... hai.
wah but 2 things i really really really hated about the whole thing. EVERYONE WAS SMOKING. i kept seeing puffs of smoke shoot into the air and get illumiated by the blinding stage lights, and everywhere i moved i was breathing in smoke, the smell dominated, couldnt get away from it at all. just had to bear with it. then the insides of my ears really hurt, pain, because the whole thing was too loud, the speakers, about 20 speakers in two vertical rows blasting from my left, my left ear was ringing and it hurt and i couldnt hear properly... and already for the past week or so my right ear has been badly blocked... at first i thought water went it but even after a week its still badly blocked. i wonder am i going deaf? sigh. quite scared.

oh well. yeah then yeah well... then after the whole thing was over hmm..  .... a relatively long journey home... had to wait for bus from siloso beach to visitor departure, then a bus out from there to harbourfront mrt, then mrt, then bus from boon lay... reached home about... close to 12am... parents werent happy lah, kinda grumpy, mom didnt say anything to me when i came in. dad waited at bus stop for me. ahhh... then i only slept at after 330am... today go church got xian chang somemore... last night i was really rather worried coz i was told florence had gastric flu and maybe she wouldnt sing today means i Must sing, and i didnt go for yday's practice, and i havent memorized the words at all.... then last night i was chatting, and dunno doing what sia... oh yeah transferring pix from cam to comp... then stoning... then i was so shagged up i was really cranky. then i actually fell asleep for 2 hrs, before waking up, turning off my comp, modem, everything, then going to sleep for real.

this morning, waking up was like hell man. i had to throw myself out of bed or else i would have decided to skip church... but i pulled myself out and went, and dozed during lesson and then freaked out a bit just before xian chang... prayed hard i wouldnt forget the words up there, didnt really forget but some parts didnt sing well coz no voice... then dozed during sermon, just TOO TIRED. no other reason.

sigh. today didnt get to talk to yile much... in fact not at all... so coincidental, both he and yixin got competitions today. welll, best of luck hope u guys did well.
next week my turn for kids worship again. haiz. i dont think im good at it at all.
will be getting free pass to california fitness from tiff. thanks tiff!  lol.
then... haiz am peeved today coz didnt get to go out in the evening... just really felt like it but in the end didnt... haiz... another mind another day bah. sianz. tmr FILMING LOCVDP. really dont feel like going but its bloody peer assessed too so i dont think i have a choice. well lets just hope no one loses their tempers... esp me and penny i think we're the most likely to lose our tempers... me lah, mainly. i dunno.
k lah i think i should end now. damn sianz, blog so long.
au revoir, peace yo. out.

debate.
it sucked.
we lost.

like, whats with everything going wrong todaY?
first i think my debate is like shit. really. i dont know what in hell suja will say tomorrow.
second, connection at mac went crazy. i think there's a virus in their connection, coz it showed on my comp. when i come home it doesnt say there's virus anymore. but now everything i open lags by a few full minutes. some things keep not responding. sickening.
third, come back see someone's nick telling me to leave him alone, donno what about my A1 and whatever, sia lah once out of school the O level grade means Nothing at all, what does he know all he likes to think is oh how pathetic i am cant do anything i am so lousy no need to try anymore... so much worse than me at least i bucked up and chionged the week before O levels, and i did something to help myself like go and get tuition, he just sits there on his ass feeling sorry for himself and when people like me go and love him a bit and care and encourage him, he says yeah i'll try, i hope so, i hope i can do well, sigh sigh sigh, then in the end does nothing about it. and he comes round and asks me to leave him alone coz i got some grade in my exam last year which i dont even know how i came to get other than God's blessing... what the hell sia just go and rot and die if you want. i already have no energy to live my own life, i cant help you live yours anymore. if yo udont appreciate your friends, esp me and i say so coz i really really care about you and im always worried about you and im not encouraging you because i got good grades, i never even mentioned my grades once to you, and you're like using it against me... fug off lah. wah lau how hurting can you be sia. you went and liked her and still like her not enough, even as a friend you must disappoint me. wah lau i cannot be bothered liao lah.
fourth, ask dad to fix the photo printer for me to print gracom project, he show me face colour, say until so buay song, say later he sleep already then i wake him up again. hello? you sleep meh? you havent even go into ur room until now, thats why i asked u just now. and hello, its a GRACOM project, it MATTERS know, im not trying to 'waste your time' im not asking u to fix the printer coz i wanna play or what can... who ask u to be the only one who knows how to do whatever u did to all those cables and wires everywhere, later i touch one thing and everything crash again then u also kp me, ask u to do u also kp me, then what u want sia... fug man. damn pissed today.
haha. my hokkien damn lan sia... buay hiao kong at all... ask daniel to speak to me in hokkien. i can understand but i cannot reply coz i always forget all the common words... damn.
well, ending blog here. third entry of the day. all 3 are such pissed off entries. k ciao.
dorcas

in fact i am pissed off now..
its like im trying mybest but i dont know what shit to include in my debate and it seems everything i write is rubbish... and its like i really dont know what to say... everything seems useless..
i think the only way we may have a shot at winning this thing is to be real oconfident about it and look like we really know and are concinved of what we're saying. i think we have no concrete evidence to back it up, at least for me, everything is like more of my own opinion only... just statements without facts and stats.... yeah. shat thats all i got.
and this bloody connection is really driving me nuts lor. every 1 minute resets and everything. i cant stand it!!!!!!! grrr!!
therefore i cant go into msn coz it signs out every other second and in again... which means i cant even discuss with them about the debate... dammit i should have just stayed at home sia... at least at home i can access mda website and all that shit. here i cant do anything at all...
feel freaking useless sia..
feel an ache somewhere inside my head, like a headache's coming right up... damn sian. havent even touched my storyboard. luckily time seems to be passing slowly today, so tho i have spent abt 3 hrs on this debate which is only worth 3 minutes, at least i still feel i have time to do storyboard, and im not in a state of panic.... anyway i think i will enjoy the storyboard more lor... since its drawing and i kinda like to do it so...
sigh. just hoping to stay sane while i attempt to finish my part of the debate with peace of mind... haiz.
well i think i should stop whining and go back to work if not i may never finish it
ooh radio playing shut up now.... but i cant hear none of it haha coz i got earphones plugged into my lappy.
peace out. 

I BECOME SO NUMB I CAN FEEL YOU THERE... ALL I WANT TO DO IS BE MORE LIKE ME AND BE LESS LIKE YOU!!!