i am completely frustrated right now. i cannot do my speech com homework.
i really tried to write the speech. i had a good idea and although i really struggled with writing it, it was coming along nicely. i was starting to get the hang of it.
but then i read and reread the instructions and i realize this idea just wont work. i will surely be failed simply on the grounds of my speech being of the absolute wrong content.
i feel really pissed about it. i have one day left.
one day to write or prepare something to bring to class on tuesday.
i can't get out of it, i have to have something to show, because she states clearly, we'll only get as much help as we have researched. looks like i should be happu if i get any help at all.
it's not the help, it's the impression it leaves on cordelia. she writes favorism all over the place.
i'm just thinking, if nothing i do can get her to favor me a bit more than she does now, at least i dont make things worse by making her hate me and failing me completely.
and that's why i want to do her work, i need to, if i don't want to be the loser who fails specom.
but i can't. everytime i have specom homework, i try my damndest to do a good job, but i just cant make myself become that kind of salesman speaker she likes. i feel myself clamming up once im there, i dont know what im doing, i just go thru with it and finish it knowing it didnt sound good one bit and that's it i'll be getting another B to add to my collection. like i said, it's not the B, it's the impression. and it frustrates me to near death because i try as hard, or harder, than anyone else, and it never once pays off. i never do as well as i hope.
and now its this third speech. i have one bloody day left. here i am at this unearthly hour, still cant think of a new idea. looks like im not going to church tomorrow already. i am so sorry. i dont really like to skip church, especially on the day of the Lord, it should be the one day that i should, as a Christian, worship wholeheartedly. instead, i will be sleeping at home because tonight i am going to sleep so late, and then i will be rushing with all my work. seriously i hate this arrangement but the other alternative is to jump out of my window from madness and it's not a path i'd like to take...yet.
please please please give me ideas. help me do my speech. help me complete all my homework well. help me prepare for my medisoc test. help me get a grip on myself and start working hard for the next term now starting in 24 hrs time. help me make the best of every waking minute, and to get enough sleep so my brain works the next day. help me not panic so much, help me PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. i know i dont deserve any more help, i havent been good at all, i'm so sorry. i dont know why im like that, im so lousy as a person, i really hate the way i am. so slack, bitchy, lazy, untalented or else simply SLACK. but i really need Your help. pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaasse help.
im exhausted. i gotta continue staring at my blank Word document now. sigh.
